Comments on: Questions About Going From One Kid to Two

By: Mari

Mari — Thu, 09 May 2019 23:40:48 +0000

You are so smart to be thinking of these things ahead of time! I definitely did not do my research, budgeting, critical thinking before having a second. We just knew that we wanted two no matter what. The first few months were incredibly hard (27 months apart meant potty training a jealous, spirited 2.5 year old who peed on the floor for attention while the newborn cried to be held!) but now, ten months into it, the blossoming relationship between my two boys is the most precious thing that I couldn’t have even imagined.

By: Marta

Marta — Sat, 27 Apr 2019 07:55:24 +0000

Well, where do I start? I have had 3 kids in less than 3 years and they are bilingual. You are so so brave sticking to your native language with arlo. My first born was also the strong emotions strong frustration type of kid and when she started to learn french I switched and gave up italian for a bit. We were like… whatever it works! We need to xommunicate.. bilingual are definetely delayed in speach abd it can be frustrating for the parents too. But our problem was we only speak italian in our family, they ear frznch everywhere.
I totally understand your concerns about having another baby. My answer is, yes it is not simple but this doesn’t have to hold you back. These small problems are for a little while. A sibling is for life!! I feel like so many parents give on having other kids only based on the small and temporary problems that feels overwhelming at the present time. Plus our kids are really forgiving. Sending hugs!

By: Kirsten

Kirsten — Mon, 25 Feb 2019 15:05:29 +0000

Something I constantly find myself wondering is, “When will I know it’s the right time to have the second kid?”

I do have infertility issues and my first is now 18 months old. But I feel so strongly that I don’t want to be pregnant again. I know it’s ridiculous because I’m super fortunate to have been pregnant in the first place, but it was hard on me physically and emotionally and I don’t think I’m ready to do that again.

I do know, however, that I want Blair to have a sibling. I just don’t know when that will be. It’s something I’ll continue to think of until I know it’s right, I guess.

By: Kyrstin Hill

Kyrstin Hill — Sat, 23 Feb 2019 12:22:55 +0000

Thanks for writing this! I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my first biological child and the pressures and worries build daily. My husband and I have a 10-year-old son from his previous relationship. We have shared custody with my son’s mother and while we do see him every week, he spends more time at his mother’s house. There, he has two younger sisters that are 7 and 9 years younger than him. And although I know he loves them very much from the stories he tells, he does talk often about the frustrations that come with being so much older than them. As he gets older, I’m sure those frustrations will lessen, but it still makes me nervous.

He and I have a very special relationship that I’ve worked hard on cultivating respectfully and on his terms over the last 6 years. We have developed some traditions that are very special to me, and hopefully, him. I’m so nervous that when baby arrives all that will change and he will resent me for it. I worry I won’t have time to be the silly, funny, playful, *mostly* carefree person he has come to know. And I worry he will resent his father for having another child, even though he is excited for our family to be growing.

WHEW HORMONES!

I would love to hear from some other step parents about any similar experiences they’ve had. Also, a post on the pros and cons of growing up with far older siblings would be interesting! I think a lot of people could relate to that.

Sorry for the book. Thanks for sharing your life. I wish I had bits of wisdom to offer like the other commenters, but it’s clear to see I have no clue! 😉

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sat, 23 Feb 2019 02:44:29 +0000

These are all such legitimate questions and worries. I have two boys, 10 months and 2.5 years old. They are not adopted so it’s different in that way…. but the struggle was still real. Changes and transitions can be hard and it just takes time to settle into the new family of four rhythm. At first I missed my oldest so bad it hurt when I needed to be with the baby and miss out on bedtime and other things, but after a while you settle in and realiZe that a sibling is a gift to your oldest, a friend for life!

By: Corinne

Corinne — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 21:49:37 +0000

Arlo’s personality reminds me so much of my oldest. Always on the go, big feelings, with a need for lots of input. I had so many of the same questions. To be honest, the first year of having a second child, I spent a lot of time feeling like I had made a mistake, despite my intense love for baby number two. I felt like my oldest was missing out on so much, and also felt like the youngest wasn’t getting the same attention and bonding time his brother had. But once we entered the toddler stage and they were able to start interacting and playing more, I knew this was the best thing we could have done. They adore each other. Yes, there are things they will miss out on not being only children, but the special bond they share makes up for it 100%.

As far as the adoption side of it, that is something we are still figuring out. My oldest is in a very open adoption. We know both of his birth parents, one set of grandparents, as well as numerous aunts, uncles and friends. They are like a part of our extended family, and we visit them or have them come visit us whenever possible. It has been so beneficial for him when he has questions about himself, where he came from, and how much they love him. But for my youngest, there are safety issues that have forced us towards a semi-open adoption. It breaks my heart that as he gets older, he will see these relationships his brother has, and be aware that he does not have that same thing.

By: Leslie

Leslie — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 21:23:24 +0000

So glad that I’m not the only one worrying about going from 1 to 2! It took a lot of time and discussion, but I’m super excited that our son will be 3 3/4 when baby #2 will be born. I just keep reminding myself that 1. I want him to have a sibling 2. I have stretched myself to be the mom I want to be and can do it again and 3. I’m not doing this alone (husband is super hands on and our responsibilities are shared pretty equally). Where this is no right recipe for a family, you guys will make a great decision on whether or not to adopt again.

Also, bravo in raising Arlo bilingual! Definitely 4 times the work, but it sounds like he is right on track and what a gift to him and your family!

By: Emily

Emily — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 20:51:24 +0000

So much of this is familiar. I have two girls, now 11 and 6 so we’re well into it at this point but I had so many fears about bringing another little one in. What I now know is that the two kids will have very different experiences and that is ok. First off, they’re different people and will need different things from you – which I promise you have enough love inside to provide. And while yes, your first may have more actual attention given to them, the second benefits from parents that are more confident about themselves and their ability to raise a child (seriously – the things you sweated about on the first you just take in stride on the second) Also, you’re giving a complete new relationship to both children. Will Arlo have less specific time with you? Probably. But he gets to be be loved by another human completely. And the second only knows what it’s like to look up to, love and adore their older sibling. The relationship my two have with each other, outside of me is rich beyond words.

With respect to holding on to special times – you will keep the ones that are super important and the others will be replaced with something you didn’t know was missing. And also these years are really fleeting (such a cliche but so entirely true). Those moments and traditions are going to evolve anyway as Arlo gets older.

My real comment is this. You got this. Hold on to the hopes and dreams knowing if you want it, you will make it happen – and it will be good. Make it work for you and your family and you’ll win. No family is the same; no family is perfect. But I guarantee you end up with a family that is perfect for you. I sure did.

By: Des Reyna

Des Reyna — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 19:54:28 +0000

You are not alone.
These are definitely the feelings of a Mama, who loves her boy.

I had a hard time going from 1-2, thinking about my first not getting to have all of me, and to be honest, I’m pregnant with my 4th and those thoughts are back, with my 3 having to share me, once again. It always ends at my thoughts though… the babies come and then you realize that this was the family that was made just for you, and everyone fits in so perfectly. God works it out, and it’s better than you could ever imagine (even in the hard seasons). You’ll do great, and so will Arlo… and Jeff.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Fri, 22 Feb 2019 19:35:08 +0000

I think so much of this is normal! My boys are 3 years apart and it took us a while to be ready to welcome baby #2. Our oldest was high maintenance in a lot of ways (he needs a lot of attention). You worry how you will adapt with 2 kids. You worry about time and attention management. My boys are my biological kids, so I didn’t have the extra layer of adoption related concerns, but those make total sense. I mourned the passing of our 3 person family and I missed the time I had to devote to my first born when he was the only one. But our relationships evolved in awesome ways and it has been so great to see him become an amazing big brother. There are growing pains as you figure out how it is going to work for your family but you figure it out. I’ve found that I am a more confident and relaxed parent the second time around because I know more about what to expect. Adding a second child changes things and the feelings are complicated but I’m sure you already know it is totally worth it.