Comments on: Real Talk With Real Moms: Religion + Spirituality https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/ Mon, 07 Sep 2020 00:34:07 +0000 hourly 1 By: Eevee https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-245920 Mon, 07 Sep 2020 00:34:07 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-245920 I grew up christian and am a lesbian and had a frankly awful experience. I wish that I didn’t and frankly it has really harmed my relationship with my parents. I think it’s okay to choose not to raise your kid christian, especially knowing that there are so many harmful things they can internalize (I’ll probably spend my whole life unpacking a lot of the things i was taught). I thought it was interesting when you described going back to your old churcg because i could never bring my wife and daughters back to my childhood church – so I’ve never experienced that continuity in community. I really recommend unitarian universalism – its a church that focuses on community building, justice, inclusion, and spirituality, but its not christian and is open to people of any religion. they teach kids about all religions and its so cool! they also offer something called OWL (our whole lives) in eighth grade which is a sex ed class that is a discussion group with other kids where they can ask questions and learn about gender and sexuality. Such a cool group! Good luck no matter what you choose

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By: Amy https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228968 Sat, 13 Jul 2019 15:03:37 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228968 In reply to Tymber.

I love what you said, Tymber. My parents never baptized me as a child and when I was in college (at a jesuit university) I chose to go through the process of becoming Roman Catholic. (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults – baptism, communion, confirmation all in one Sunday after months of “studying”). The biggest take away I still have from that whole process today is that you SHOULD have doubts and questions because if you’re blindly following, then you’re not growing spiritually.

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By: AW https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228918 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 02:04:06 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228918 Hi! First, you did such a beautiful job explaining your feelings and being kind and respectful in your post. SO, SO well done! My husband and I were both raised in stereotypical Christian families and attended private Christian schools. It took me a long time as an adult to undue a lot of the damaging parts of Christianity that you alluded to in your post and also figure out how to live in a world that is NOT all Christians since my life growing up was very isolated to just religious people. Now as a (foster-to-adopt) parent, I do my best to explain to my child my beliefs and tell her that they are real to me, but that other people believe different things, and as she grows up she gets to decide for herself what is meaningful to her. We emphasize the parts of Christianity that are important to us such as working towards peace with others, compassion, generosity, care for all living things (for example, we’re vegetarian and place a high value on kindness to animals), and non-violence. We also chose public schools (admittedly we live in an excellent school district so that made it easy) and I cannot imagine sending my child to a religious school as I found that to be the most damaging part of my upbringing, but that’s just my experience. I want her to grow up with an ease around people very different from her and us, and a kindness towards everyone. Ultimately we all decide for ourselves what we believe at some point so I think the BEST any parent can do is live by example and be open to questions and conversations from your child(ren). But as my dad says, “as a parent, once you figure something out and think you’re on the right path, they change and you have to start from scratch” Ha! So here’s to staying flexible! And again, such a beautiful post.

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By: april foster https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228792 Mon, 08 Jul 2019 20:24:09 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228792 I saved this to come back to when I had a chance..sorry I’m late to the party 🙂
I love that you were open enough to share with us your thoughts on religion. It’s so taboo and I wish it weren’t that way, so THANK YOU!

1. COMMUNITY | I’ve never not worshipped with a local congregation of people and can’t imagine my life without it. The church families I’ve been a part of growing up have been exactly that, like family to me. We have a common goal and there’s so much comfort in that. These people are there without motive to serve one another. I love it! So, I’m not sure if that can be found elsewhere…I haven’t found it yet!

2. OTHER WAYS TO FIND COMMUNITY | I guess my last sentence above answered that. I do participate in other groups in our community but none have the stability or common bond like our church family…

3. EDUCATING CHILDREN | We just seek to find answers in the bible and be honest about what it says even if we don’t entirely understand or want to agree with it. It can be hard reading passages and realizing “oops! I shouldn’t have done that or said that” but being honest with them about it being a walk and that we never will be perfect. I think you can both learn at the same time and Arlo and future baby will appreciate that so much. I connect most with Claire especially when we discover things together or open the Bible and read together. She’s even seeking out more on her own now that she’s reading. It’s pretty exciting!

4. HOLIDAYS | You know I’m religious, but we don’t celebrate any holiday as religious days. Easter & Christmas are both man-made holidays and traditions established hundreds of years after Jesus walked on earth. We try to instill overall messages such as giving, thankfulness, and time together with family & friends. We want there to be clear lines between what God has said in His word and what traditions men and women have established, even though there may be good intentions behind the holidays.

5. DEATH 🙁 | This to me is the biggest and hardest question to answer without believing in God. I believe we were created to contemplate eternity, unlike any other creature on earth. I don’t have all the answers or think we need more than what’s already been revealed to us about the subject. The very fact that we can contemplate eternity is reason enough to believe it is likely to exist. At the very base level, I think it’s easy to reason that if you’re making a bet on whether there’s an afterlife, the safest bet will be that there is. If I live my life as a Christian and there’s not an afterlife, then oh well, I’ve still lived a good life, one in service to others. If I live my life not believing and there is an afterlife, I run the risk of missing out on heaven and being in everlasting punishment. I guess that’s the only non-religious way I can think of describing my thought process.
I definitely admire you thinking about this now and not as you say, when you’re in the moment. Regardless, saying you’re not sure or you want to learn more and figure out what you believe is better than saying “they’re in a better place” or making up something you don’t believe is better and more honest. We strive to study and learn what the Bible has to say, and I believe we’re given everything we need, but even then, that doesn’t mean we have all the answers or that it’s wrong to have questions. I try to be as honest with the kids as possible when I don’t know or don’t understand or haven’t studied that particular subject.

You know I think so highly of you and Jeff for the job you’re doing. If there’s anything you need or if you want to chat, I’m happy to. Love you guys!

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By: Holly https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228692 Sat, 06 Jul 2019 00:01:41 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228692 Wow oh wow does this resonate.

I have three kids and both my husband and I were raised Catholic. My immediate family gradually pulled away from the church and religion in general really after I finished confirmation. Ever since, I just really have never felt like it fit my life. My husband is an atheist so between the two of us it was a pretty simple decision to not raise our kids with religion.

Flash forward to today, my oldest is coming up on nine, and we honestly don’t feel like it’s lacking or depleting their life of any values or significance. The only time we have struggled is the simple confusion they had of why their friends had a special class after school. We’ve give simple education in more of a historical/ sociological point of view when it comes to holidays ( citing everything from pagans to Hindu religions) We still revel in the various commercial aspects of religious holidays. When it comes to teaching our kids ethics and values it’s comforting that we are teaching them straight to the point with out anyone else’s potentially toxic ideas interfering.

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By: Anna https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228506 Mon, 01 Jul 2019 13:54:25 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228506 Wow, thank you for writing this in such a kind, respectful way! I’m loving reading the comments to see what others have experienced.
I grew up going to church (Presbyterian) on Sundays but my family wasn’t super religious. We never talked about spirituality at home but I’m pretty sure my parents took us because it was “the right thing to do”. I did love the community surrounding it and the activities though! In high school I had a lot of pretty religious friends and started going to a youth group at a modern kind of church. I love singing and music and every church service was basically a concert so I loved that. By the time I got to college I stopped physically going to church and have grown to become pretty non-religious.
My fiancé (raised very catholic but now non religious) and I were discussing what we might want to do for our future children. It stresses me out because I want them to know about religion and have a community but I don’t necessarily agree with Christianity 100%. He put it in a great way – we’ll lead by example by showing kindness and acceptance to others and surround ourselves with friends and a community we want our kids to look up to.
Kids are in the semi close future (maybe 5 years), and I still worry about finding the right community for our kids but I’m glad we’re already having the discussion and thinking about how we’ll raise our kids!

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By: Kerri https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228503 Mon, 01 Jul 2019 12:27:46 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228503 Sorry, me again! That was Jeremiah 29:11-13 – I wanted to correct my error.

Thanks!

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By: Kerri https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228502 Mon, 01 Jul 2019 12:24:57 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228502 My thoughts are whirling on so many levels and I’m fascinated from the perspectives as I read all the comments. As a Christian in spirit and a United Methodist in religion, I’d like to respectfully add my two cents:

To me, religion and spirituality are two very different things. Religion is the practice of faith. It stems from our desire to, first and foremost, connect with God through Christ (as I believe). As a result, I desire to connect with others in fellowship, people I am close to and love dearly within my church family. We certainly have different opinions and ideas, but we love in those differences, which fosters a respect between us and a recognition that we truly don’t have all the answers.

We are human in our humanness = imperfect. The Bible is our guide to live life and live life abundantly. Becoming a Christian does not provide immunity from bad things happening. It provides HOPE when the bad things do happen. That’s where spirituality comes in – a connectedness to Him. Connectedness in community is nice (i.e. religion). It serves a personal need to an extent, but will never completely fill us in the way we connect to Christ through habitual prayer, meditation and faith.

I also feel a parental responsibility to raise my child to understand those differences between religion and spirituality – and opinions from interpretation of Scripture. Relationship with the Holy Trinity takes time in order to grow and mature an individual. Therefore, my husband and I are connected with our church family and to also connect our son. Church teaches him, too, matters of religion, what we believe, and why we believe what we do. He will choose for himself as he ages (he’s 14 now), but my husband and I feel accountable to God to raise our son in this way. We don’t let him sit out just because he’s “bored” or not into it. He is allowed the freedom to choose his work within the church. He doesn’t like to sing in youth choir but he’s good at handling the sound system for our Youth Director instead. When he’s 18, he can choose, and I hold firm to Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is OLD (emphasis mine), he will not depart from it.” My child isn’t old yet, so now it’s the job of my husband and me.

Kelly, you are seeking, I think, as are many others as I read through these comments. My prayer for you and the other readers is just SEEK HIM.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. YOU WILL SEEK ME AND FIND ME WHEN YOU SEEK ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART (emphasis mine).” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

He will meet you where ever you are. Where. Ever. YOU. Are. Because He loves you.

Thank you for allowing us a chance to share. For me, it was on my heart.

Respectfully.

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By: Jenn https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228485 Mon, 01 Jul 2019 03:00:10 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228485 In reply to Kelley.

We recently started going to UU and we love it too!

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By: Sara Mincy https://studiodiy.com/real-talk-with-real-moms-religion-spirituality/#comment-228468 Sun, 30 Jun 2019 18:16:12 +0000 https://studiodiy.com/?p=36924#comment-228468 What a great post. I love your blog (ADORE your style and art) and haven’t commented much…but this post has compelled me to post! My kids are now 17, 16, and 13….and I thank God on a weekly basis for my church particularly how it’s impacted them. They feel so connected and loved and part of a larger church family. They love going to church and when we came home late from vacation the red eye flight had us exhausted but my older boys got up and went to church because they needed to see their friends (old and young alike) and be in youth group.

I would love to move to the pacific north west but just our church community keeps us here it’s such a great thing to have; the traditions and events really do anchor our lives. We moved here (NC) when my kids were 5, 3, and 1….so to go from those ages and not knowing anyone to now being here where we just had my eldest sons graduation party where so many people gathered around to celebrate him- it’s amazing how we’ve grown and flourished here.

All that said, I grew up in a baptist church – my dad was the pastor!!! I would say that I had a good experience and I did come to believe in God and what Jesus did for me …but it has really been as an adult and finding a church where the Bible is taught in a clear and loving way and where our pastor is humble…he studies the scripture and he admits his own faults and failures. It’s such a great place to be because we are all in it together and there’s not this “holier than thou” attitude.
My advice is to you to pray about it..which I know you’ll probably not be sure about, but it feels like you are trying to figure out your belief in God and it seems like God is trying to show you your need of Him and your need of a community of people to come around you and support you and your sweet family.
Even if you don’t know what to say I would advise you to pray and ask God to show you a church or several churches to visit and I would definitely visit a lot of churches and I think you’ll know when you find it….it is worth the search and worth the work to have a community in your life who loves you, looks out for you, knows you, and supports you, and likewise, you will become a support to others.
I just think the world of you guys and how you are such wonderful creative parents to Arlo, I’m going to pray that God does show you and lead you to a place that teaches the Bible, and a place where you can grow and thrive together as a family! 🙂

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